I spent the afternoon at my lawyer’s today and she got an email from my ex’s attorney. It is not surprising to me, but just reminds me of everything that is wrong with the family court system and affirms why I left. I shuddered when I heard her read that if I don’t drop contempt charges against my ex-husband then they will be filing contempt on me. It reminded me of the revenge monster and why I try and avoid court at all costs. I try to follow the court orders to a T so I don’t even know what it could be other than a scare tactic. Unfortunately, this time I can’t avoid court as it deals with Landry’s medical and neglect by his father.
The bullying continues and the system allows it. We have already allowed a continuance and he has had 8 months to remedy and all of the emails from me trying to work with him and even help him before we filed. I learned today it isn’t about working together- it never was. It is about revenge and control of me by him. Everything is calculated by him and all I want is what is best for Landry. Meanwhile, I want time to fly by so that Landry can decide what is best.
I want the courts to decide that Landry can speak up and speak about what is best for Landry. I want the courts to decide for the children’s best interests and not parental rights or mother’s rights or father’s rights. A child is a human being and not a piece of property that can be used to get back at someone. I have learned through this the process that divorcing a narcissist is like saying ice can start fire.
There is no rhyme or reason and there is no logical or rational thinking. It is about control and until that person is no longer in control then the games will continue and it is the child who will suffer the most not the abuser or the abused. No matter how much the victim tries to avoid conflict the narcissist will find a way to to drag that person through the mud, the kitchen sink and back through the mud again. What the narcissist doesn’t realize is that at some point the abused no longer cares and mama bear or papa bear will come out.
Mama or papa bear will do anything for their child. Personal image or whatever personal image is left that hasn’t been destroyed by the narcissist no longer matters. What matters is the child. When the fire is lit then there is no stopping that individual until an end has come. An end to a chapter, whatever end that might be i.e. no more shared parenting, a child turns 18 or restraining orders.
In the end the child still suffers because they lose a parent and in some cases it is the abused parent that they lose. The one that actually would give their life for their child. In other cases a child may find peace, but they grow up wondering and not knowing the other half of them. This may be the best case scenario for this child, but in the end there is still a void in this child. Divorce is not a situation that anyone wants to go through and divorcing a narcissist is a situation that feels never ending.