We are not a number

It has been awhile since I posted on here, mainly because of my hand and also so much has gone on.  I have missed being on here and just getting my thoughts out on paper.  For me writing has some healing qualities and I hope my experiences help others as well.  My hope is my blog brings awareness to a topic that is often swept under the rug.  The biggest proof of that is the Brock Turner case and Jane Doe.

I hope that Jane Doe receives some comfort through her after effects of the indescribable events that Brock Turner did.  Hearing his words made me cringe, but the sad thing is I have heard those words in my own life and in court.  Well why did she marry him?  She deserved it if she decided to marry him.  Those words still haunt me today and ironically I told him I wanted a divorce within 2 weeks of my memory of anal rape resurfacing.  He told me the past is the past and he would never do it again except everything started to click in my mind.  Oh wait what happened two weeks ago before my memory of 13 years emerged, him suffocating me to try to get sex that wasn’t ok.  Oh and him grabbing my wrists and pinning me down or him grabbing my wrists as my memory emerged and telling me to calm down.  Really?  The lists goes on and on, but silence became my friend.  I learned I was less likely to get as hurt or attacked if I became silent.  Me catching him in one of his many affairs was my greatest blessing.  My way out.

The statistics are staggering how many people experience some type of abuse whether physical or sexual and then there are the absent statistics of the emotional and psychological abuse.  So they turn us into numbers and people like my ex who plead the fifth and Brock Turner get off with a slap on the wrist.  There needs to be reform and Brock Turner’s sentence makes that even more evident.  I am sickened by what society has become and how Judges and Lawyers can sleep at night.  To say she deserved what she got, really?  I don’t know anyone that deserves the terrors of living through abuse, PTSD and being attacked.

I feel like I have to comment on the Orlando attack.  It has been weighing on my mind so heavily and saddens me that people are still labeled.  I am labeled a domestic violence, victim, survivor, and a woman with PTSD.  People hear that stigma and some walk away. I recently left my church because of the hatred that they were having towards divorce and specifically homosexuals.  I cannot raise Landry in this environment nor can I stand for more hatred.  I have found a new church that openly accepts all people and more importantly does not try to change you.

In the wake of a horrible tragedy, I hope that if nothing else the senseless event that occurred in Orlando opened many people eyes to the abuse that takes place in today’s society whether LBTG or heterosexual nothing is being done to stop it.  That club was their safe place and they were attacked, killed and will have many after effects to come.  No one deserves that, no one.  May all those who were killed rest in peace and those that are suvivors find comfort and peace in their healing process.


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